Just lately I have not been taking my own advice.
I have felt like an unwilling participant on a rollercoaster of emotions. I have been waking up just feeling miserable, dreading the rest of the day and praying for it to be bedtime again. The problem is that even wishing the day away doesn’t bringing me joy because with a teething baby the night times can be just as unpredictable, shitty and emotional!
This blog is about finding happiness in the everyday madness of motherhood, I coach other mothers on how to find their happy place and yet I have not been able to find mine. I have felt like a fraud.
How can I help others to be happy when I can’t be happy myself?
Yesterday I attended an amazing event run by woman’s Business Coach Becky Holmes called Damsels In Success. The workshop theme was Authentic, Aligned Action. When I had seen it advertised I was immediately drawn to it, probably due to a feeling of lack of authenticity I had within myself. The day was awesome and certainly raised my energy levels, at the end of the session we were asked to make promises to ourselves of how we would go forward into the next month.
I said I want to take my own advice. Well I shot myself in the foot there didn’t I, I’m always giving bloody advice! So to give myself a more specific goal I thought I would make a list of the things I say to others as an action plan for myself (I am hoping it won’t be too long but at this point in writing it I truly have no idea)!
- Firstly it’s OK to feel like crap sometimes. This doesn’t mean I am failing. If I never experience what it’s like to feel down how can I recognise when I am up? When I decide that I don’t want to feel low anymore, I am the only one who can change it.
- I can’t rely on my husband, my children or my pay check to change how I feel. The only way to alter my emotions is to actively change my thoughts. This can take effort when I’m in the middle of a shit storm (for those with children under the age of 3, you will know I mean this literally) but the effort is worth it. I am far better putting my energy into changing my own thought patterns than I am blaming someone else for my emotions.
- If someone is pissing me off that’s my issue not theirs. Who gives a rats arse what they think of me or what they expect of me. The only time it can ever impact on me is if I let it.
- We only ever see in people a reflection of what we feel in ourselves. When I say “you make me feel like shit” what I am actually saying is “I feel like shit.” It’s my problem to sort out not anyone else’s.
- I will start telling the story of the life I want to live. Whatever we choose to focus becomes bigger in our mind. So the more I think about stuff that makes me feel miserable the more miserable I will become. I will try my best to only think and talk about things that bring me joy.
- Give myself a fucking break! I work bloody hard, I deserve to feel good and have fun. Recently I have been trying to juggle so many balls I have forgotten to prioritise living life. I will make time to relax more because otherwise I end up like a wound up spring fit to burst.
- I WILL DO MY VERY BEST TO SLEEP MORE!!!!!! This last one is not always in my control because it is my baby keeping me awake in the night (the little bugger). It’s also possibly the most important one. Lack of sleep has such an impact on our physical and psychological well-being. I am sure that my recent issues have stemmed from long term sleep deprivation. There are things I can do though; I can stop myself from looking at my phone in the night, I can meditate more which I know relaxes me, I can be more productive with my time in the evening so that I can go to bed early if I need to. Nothing is completely out of my control.
So there it is; 7pieces of advice I give to others that I will act on myself. Basically to summarize I will be putting my own gas mask on so that I can be a better wife, mother, daughter and friend to those around me.
I know I can do it because I have done it before. I lost my way for a little while but that’s OK because I have reminded myself why it’s so important to stay focused on feeling good.
What piece of advice to you give to others that you think you should take yourself. I’d love to hear from you!
The contented Family offers one to one coaching and workshops to empower parents to take back control of their emotions. Stop reacting to your children’s behaviour or any other uncontrollable condition and learn practical mindful tools and techniques which you can use in the everyday madness of motherhood.
For any information on the upcoming workshop, booking a free Contented Family coaching consultation see the contact form below.