Today I grabbed my car keys and left, I drove up to the top of the mountain behind my house, sat in my car and screamed. I screamed from the pit of my stomach, I screamed from the bottom of my heart. I screamed and shouted about all of the things that have been getting on my tits, all the things I wouldn’t want to shout about in front of the kids.
And then I laughed at myself.
I took some deep meditating breaths and headed back home ready to face the rest of the day (and my poor husband that I had just left with no explanation).
So today I wanted to say to all the mothers out there that feel that they want to scream too; do it!
As mothers we are always putting other people’s needs first, we are always trying to be the best and when we fall short of perfection we are the first to condemn ourselves. We are constantly trying to keep it all together and sometimes we just need to let it all go.
I spend a lot of my time advocating stress management techniques, I do my best to practice what I preach and although I am the first one to admit that I lose my temper and find some days really challenging, I work daily on my positive wellbeing so that I am able (on most occasions) to stop the negative momentum.
This morning though it all went tits up and I just wanted to scream.
So I did!
I simply didn’t have the strength or energy to fight the negativity so I decided to go with it instead and I must admit it felt bloody awesome.
After my screaming match with myself, I felt my energy shift. I am not going to say that my day turned out perfectly but it slowly got better. Later I took the kids on an energetic walk, ate some lovely food and drank some hot tea in front of the fire. Now I sit here before my bedtime with a more positive mind set and hope for a better day.
Some days we only have hope.
But on those days it’s all we need.
I strongly believe that anger is a better emotion in comparison to sadness. When you feel sad you feel lethargic and helpless. Anger gives you lots of energy and it’s an easier emotion to shift. As long as you find the right outlet for it getting back to a good place after losing your temper is easier than if you feel depressed.
Sometimes it’s just not possible to take this drastic action though. On many occasions in the past I have fantasised about running away and screaming to the sky, sometimes it happens when I am alone with the children in which case it obviously isn’t an option.
One time I simply hid under my covers for 10 minutes while the kids jumped on me thinking it a hilarious game of hide and seek. Another time I tried to leave but my baby was due a feed so I thought I should take her with me but by the time I got her coat on I had lost the storming out momentum so I sat down on the sofa and fed the baby as if nothing had just nearly transpired.
To be honest, most of the time I don’t storm out it’s because I simply have too much to do.
One thing today has taught me though is that if you feel that urge, if you feel that pent up frustration and you wish you could just scream into the sky, if your kids are safe and happy with daddy or nanny or the dog then go for it.
Try not to make an issue of it. The kids won’t benefit from seeing you run away in a fit of rage, my kids were upstairs playing at the time so it wasn’t a spectacle but they definitely benefited from my renewed attitude when I returned 20 minutes later.
The point is you are human and life can feel overwhelming. Just because you feel like you want to run away sometimes it doesn’t mean you can’t cope. It just means you need a break.
You are doing an amazing job, every day you get up and you keep your kids safe, fed, warm and loved. You manage the constant mess, the sibling fights, the homework, the budget. Some days you feel you have the mothering thing down and others you feel like a failure.
But you’re not.
Sometimes you just need to scream.
And that’s ok.
Just remember to come back!
The contented Family offers one to one coaching and workshops to empower parents to take back control of their emotions. Stop reacting to your children’s behaviour or any other uncontrollable condition and learn practical mindful tools and techniques which you can use in the everyday madness of motherhood.
For any information on the upcoming workshop, booking a free contented Family coaching consultation see the contact form below.
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